I’d make a sadface, but no expression composed of punctuation can fully represent my sorrow over the game that is Castlevania: Lords of Shadow.

In one of my rare moments of ‘WAKE UP, SHEEPLE,” I submit to you the following:

LoS’s combat is taken directly from God of War

-LoS’s wall hugging, climbing and jumping sure feel like Prince of Persia

-LoS’s titan fights are, without a shadow (double pun lolz) of a doubt ripped from Shadow of the Colossus

It appears as though Konami is operating under the impression that the more games it imitates, the better it is. Meanwhile, all the things that made the Castlevania series great in the first place (exploration, memorable tunes, and, you know, Dracula) are all gone from this newest addition to the series.

Gabriel Belmont has it pretty bad. Not only is his wife fucking dead, but he is the star of the shittiest Castlevania game I’ve ever played. No wonder Konami filled this game with random boobs for the player to stare at.