I swear to god that no employee is “trained” to say that he is unaware of Black Friday prices. For the last month, I have spent more time talking about how I don’t know future prices than I have anything else, and I’ve got to say that it’s been driving me crazy.

“oh come on, you can tell meeeeee.”

“I swear I wont tell anyone!”

The above were the arguments customers routinely presented, as if upon hearing them I’d suddenly realize the error of my ways and spill the proverbial beans. Honestly, even if I did know the prices, why some random stranger thinks he’s more worthy of the pricing info than anyone else is beyond me.

Quick note on customer insanity. As I was leaving the store around 12:30 am (on Thanksgiving for fucks sake (yes, fuck, I’m that pissed about it))there was already a line of assholes.

There’s a line outside the store, and it’s the wee hours of THANKSGIVING. I feel as though there should be an armored car that patrols the city and anyone waiting outside that early to save a couple bucks on a value brand TV is immediately sprayed with acid.

Also, the trunk opens up, unleashing a swarm of bees.

Seriously, it’s a holiday, and it’s based on FOOD. GO HOME AND ENJOY THE GODDAMN HOLIDAY. These people who camp out in front of stores make me feel awful, and I honestly think this whole “Black Friday” thing needs to be put to bed; people waiting out in the cold, fighting at the checkouts, stealing from each other’s carts… all for some shit that they don’t need and can’t afford in the first place?

This is why the country is in the awful shape it’s in.

We as consumers have a golden opportunity. For years, large companies have gotten away with this Black Friday nonsense simply because we let them. I propose that no one shops this Friday. Eventually, if we all stay home and enjoy spending time with our families (which is what we SHOULD be doing), then stores will eventually stay closed.

Also, you save money. It’s one of those rare win-win situations.

So, if you’re on the fence about whether or not you’ll be shopping this Black Friday, I humbly request you stay home. Not just because you’ll save your money for something you actually want or need, but because the poor employees of these stores already have their Thanksgivings ruined; many of them will be working shifts that start on Thursday (yours truly) or are working split shifts, cramming 16 hours of work into a 24 hour period (yours truly again).

So… everyone try to enjoy Thanksgiving for me. Maybe next year I’ll get to do the same.