Ok, let’s talk about Dunkin Donuts.

Not the store or the food or whatever, but the parking lot.

This past weekend, in a Dunkin Donuts parking lot in Madison, New Jersey (or the next town over, I’m not sure), the greatest thing that ever happened occurred.

My sister and I were in her car on the way to a meeting.  The plan was that I’d hop into the DD to get coffee/tea, and she’d get gas across the street.  I hop out of her car in the DD parking lot and instantly hear…


I turn around to see an old lady poking her head out of her car, fuming.

My sister already drove away at this point, “Hey lady, why don’t you relax?” I said.

“I ONLY RELAX WHEN PEOPLE MAKE ME RELAX” she said, slamming her door shut.

That was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, I thought while walking into the store.  Clearly this lady was an easy to anger, difficult person but no biggie, I’d never see her again.

I ordered our drinks, went to the pickup area, and watched the next customer order her drink… a customer who looked really similar to the lady in the car.

She walked up to me and started talking.

No way.

“You know,” she said, “One time someone boxed me in like that,” she paused for dramatic effect, “and hit me.”  

She instantly made a face as if to say “SEE?”

“If you have an issue with how my sister drives, I don’t know what to tell you.” I replied.

“I was backing out,” she went on, “what if I hit you?”

“You’d be using your mirrors,” I said.

“AND I WAS!” she exclaimed.

“So there was no problem.”

She paused and muttered something that I couldn’t make out.

“Listen, if you have an issue with how my sister drives, I will give you my contact information and I’ll put you two in touch.”

This was the end of the conversation, I walked out of the store completely dumbfounded by what happened.

Let’s review what she said: she was backing out.  That means that she was leaving.  So because my sister paused in the parking lot for all of five seconds, this lady changed her plans and decided to come back into the store to continue to complain to me.

That’s amazing.  That’s absolutely astounding.  This lady has so little to do that she decided to purchase a drink in an act of subterfuge in order to continue talking to me.

I wonder how people turn out like that.  I’m hoping she was just having an off day… if she’s like that all the time, well… geeeeeeze.